Q. What does the bible say about there being a rift in some of our relationships after becoming a christian?
Let’s understand the nature of man first. When Adam and Eve rebelled against God the relationship between man and God was destroyed (Gen 3:3), along with the relationship between man and earth (Gen 2:17), man and animal and of course man and man (Gen 3:16, gen 4:8). The fall destroyed perfect relationships. This is our nature until we are born again and the old man has died and the new creation has come. We now are free from the shackles of sins lordship but we still exist in the fleshly bodies which feed our ability to sin.

When we become a Christian we now have the resources to reconcile the nature of relationships how God has created them to be. First we have the Spirt in us which is the power and the motivation to direct us and guide us to live in relationships as we should. Next we have the Word of God which directs us through the gamut of relationship issues such as dealing with conflicts (Matt 18), Marriage (Ephesians 5), Body of Christ (John 13:34-35 ), the world around us (Rom 12:18-21, Phil 2:3-4), us and the spirit (Gal 5:16-26), us and wisdom (Ephesians 5:15-21), children and parents (Ephesians 6:1-4), servants and masters(Ephesians 6:5-9), family (Col 3:18-21), us and Christ (John 15:4, 9-11).

So as we live in the word, we must conform unto it, that we may have a new mind and heart. In dwelling in his word we have relationship wisdom. When we do fall short we must repent and mend relationships as best as possible. Repentance is a necessity in the Christian walk, for we must be humble and allow truth to stand against us that we may bow before it against our pride and selfishness. We are called to live relationally. it is our nature as humans, for we were made in the image of a relational triune God who exist in relationship within himself.

So as we live here on earth until we are called home, we should be encouraged that we can now be the light of the true nature of relationships to the world around us, who continues to live in the broken nature relationships.

Q. Why are bigamy and polygamy frowned upon today when there were plenty of polygamists in the Bible?  Why the double standard?

The history of marriages recorded in the Bible reflect the complications and often confusion marriages sometimes represent even today.
God’s Standard
God was very careful to provide some basic guidelines and standards for marriage in Genesis 2: 24-25 and then Moses codified some additional standards in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 to clarify marriage and divorce standards for the nation.

Jesus validated and amplified Torah teachings in Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19 and Mark 10.

OK, bigamy is strongly condemned through the narrative recorded in Genesis 20. Polygamy is referenced in Gen. 2:24…”Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” The concept of ‘two becoming one’ is the emphasis.  Jesus mentions this in Matt 19 and Mark 10 and Paul references it in Ephesians 5.

So the standard is clear…no bigamy, no polygamy.  Jesus’ answer to those questioning Him about marriage issues in Matt.19:8 was, “but from the beginning it was not so.” Jesus would point people back to the original standard established in Genesis 2.
Humans’ Sin
So then why did Abraham and the patriarchs and David and Solomon ignore the standard of “oneness” of monogamy. They had their not so legitimate reasons.

Abraham had trust issues.  He was promised a great nation by God (Gen 12:2), but he and his wife were unable to conceive (Gen 15:2). So Abram’s wife Sarai (later Abraham and Sarah) came up with the plan to have Abram take her maid Hagar as a wife to provide an heir.  After Ishmael was born, tension immediately developed between the two women, and Sarah ended up treating Hagar harshly and “and she (Hagar) fled from her presence” (Gen 16:6), to actually and eventually become a separate nation!

Even though Abraham was not directly called out for this disregard for the divine and later biblical standard, the complications of this arrangement, which clearly violated Genesis 2, is inescapable. You will see the same or even a greater level of complications through the life of Jacob, Abraham’s grandson, as his sons conflicted with each other measurably.

David was commanded in Deuteronomy 17:16-17 not to multiply horses, wives, or greatly multiply gold or silver.  He had a least a half dozen wives (isn’t that what kings did…maintain harems?). The conflicts that arose between the children are legend.  One son raping his half sister.  Other sons trying to take over the throne.  The intrigue continued all the way to the coronation of Solomon.

The point is…people violated the standard for marriage…and even though it appeared that heaven remained silent…the consequences demonstrated something else. Remember, the examples of God’s people in the bible (other than Jesus, God himself) are sinners. We see real examples of their sin. Yet another reason the Bible isn’t a man made book…if it were, those godly men would have simply taken out the parts mentioning their rejection of God’s teaching.

Q. How do you know if you’ve forgiven someone? Does feeling pain mean that you haven’t forgiven the person?
What Forgiveness Is
Forgiveness can be a difficult thing not only to do, but to understand.  By way of analogy, it can be seen as the relinquishing of a debt owed to you by someone else.  Often the debt is emotional, as in cases where you have been offended or maligned by someone, and you feel that they should make restitution for their offense.  If you’ve been ignored, you may feel as though the offender should give you recognition.  If you’ve been insulted, you might feel that the offender should give you accolades.  Whatever the case, there is something you feel should be done for you, or on your behalf.

This analogy can apply to our position before God.  All of us enter this world bearing the mark of sin, and because of it, we owe a debt to God which we are incapable of paying (Romans 5:12).  Jesus Christ assumed our collective debt of sin, and made restitution for it by His death on the cross (Isaiah 53:5).  The choice to forgive humanity was strictly by God’s volition.  We could not merit it; we deserve His wrath.  In the same way, when we forgive, it must be an intentional choice, regardless of how ill-deserving we think the offender may be, because that is what God modeled for us.
What It Is Not
It is a mistake to think that forgiveness and emotional healing always go hand in hand.  In fact, there will be cases when forgiveness is offered, but the pain remains.  I may pray for the strength to forgive someone who takes the life of my family member, but it will be a long time before the pain lessens.

That forgiveness is independent of emotion is what makes it so profoundly difficult (because we often think and act based on emotion).  Yet this also makes forgiveness so magnificent.  As we celebrate Easter, we reflect on the resurrection of Jesus, but also on his preceding death when, while hanging on the cross above His executioners, He asks the Father to “forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).  Jesus felt unimaginable physical and emotional pain, yet pleaded with the Father to grant forgiveness to those who murdered Him.  In the same way, our forgiveness must be intentional, independent of our pain, and modeled after God’s forgiveness of us: “as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13).

Q. He (Jesus) answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:11-12

In light of this verse why is it that the church as a whole seems to be so ok with marrying people who have been divorced? How does Aletheia deal with this issue?
This question has brought about much controversy in the church over the years. Once again with a proper Biblical perspective, the answer to a seemingly complicated question becomes very simplistic.

The context of the passage in question, along with other New Testament passages, needs to be comprehensively looked at in order to form a more accurate stance on if divorce is acceptable and if it is, when it is acceptable.
How Is Marriage Defined?
The Bible doesn’t contradict itself so in other words, it won’t say divorce is okay in one verse and then it’s not in another. Marriage, as we see it defined in Genesis chapter 2 by Jesus in the same passage in question (verses 6, 7, and 8 ) is understood as:

1. Marriage is between a man and a woman (two humans of different gender). God didn’t create a bunch of humans in the beginning to all inter-marry with each other and trade up a spouse for another. No, it is meant solely and distinctly for two people.

2. Marriage intends for two people to come together and literally “be joined.” This word means to be glued together. Have you ever used gorilla super glue before? That stuff is not intended to lose it’s adhesiveness ever. The same goes for the marriage union. When a man leaves his mother and father to be joined to his wife, this is meant to be forever.

3. When two people are joined in marriage, they become one flesh. This word one is a compound unity term which signifies singularity within plurality. The same term is used to describe the Lord in Deuteronomy 6:4 and a cluster of grapes in Numbers 13:23.

4. Marriage is brought together by God with a command that it not be messed with. In the same passage verse 9, Jesus says what God has brought together let now man separate. God ordains marriage and therefore it shouldn’t be tampered with by man because God is supreme.
Misinterpreting God’s Word
The Pharisees whom Jesus was directing this answer to were trying to trip Jesus up. They were taking out of context a passage in the Mosaic law (Deut. 24:1-4). That passage recognized the reality of divorce and as we see in Mark 10:4, these Pharisees answer Jesus’ statement of “What did Moses command you?” with “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.” Moses (through God’s help) knew that divorce was inevitable so the reason for the “certificate” was to protect the woman’s rights within the marriage and to keep things documented. The certificate allowed the woman (or man) to be released from the marriage to be remarried unless the reasons were of an sexually immoral nature.

Obviously Mosaic law taught that immorality within a marriage (adultery) was wrong (Ex 20:14; Lev 20:10). This faction of Pharisees believed that Mosaic law allowed for divorce to take place under any circumstances. They were wrong. Jesus tells them that they are rebellious and proceeds to let them know that divorce is not cool.
What Scripture Says About Divorce
Then, God goes on to use the Biblical writers like Paul to specify the grounds in which divorce is acceptable. It’s not okay under any other circumstance except when a spouse dies (Romans 7:2-3); when there is disloyalty (Matthew 19:9); when there is desertion (1 Cor 7:15). Under these circumstances, a person is allowed to remarry. There is a fourth possibility as well that you can study on your own. 1 Cor. 7:10-11 says “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband…” This opens the door to a possibility of if a woman is in some type of danger and she has no choice but to leave. For the first three reasons, the Bible says that a person can remarry. The last obviously is clear that the wife cannot remarry if she leaves for that reason.

One more note to point out…why would we apply this teaching to unbelievers also? Unbelievers and their actions aren’t held to the same standard as a believer, before they are a believer. In other words, who are we to say that before a person submitted their life to Christ, and they went through a divorce, but then they became a Christian that now they can’t remarry? 2 Cor 5:17 says “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” Those who are in Christ are held at a different standard, the standard that Jesus and Paul give us in the Bible. We can’t expect unbelievers to be held to that same standard.